Is blame and resentment eroding your love for your partner? Watch this X
Often times, there's love in a relationship, so much love that the love can turn into anger and resentment when our partner doesn't contribute to the relationship in the way that we think is crucial.
On a very logical level, we know that it takes two hands to clap. We understand that if our relationship doesn’t work out, it wouldn’t just because of the inadequacies of our partner.
But yet we can feel it was more their fault - we can assume responsibility for PARTS of what went wrong in the relationship, but attribute the BLAME for the majority of what went wrong in the relationship, to our partner.
In this sense, we feel justified in doing whatever 'wrong' it is that we've done, or is doing. It's the whole concept of "Well if you weren't like that, I wouldn't be like this." And it’s like this great, amazing love we have for each other gets lost amongst this attribution of blame and responsibility, until there is nothing left in the relationship except bitterness and resentment.
The concept that everything has to be two-way, has to be equal, and has to be fair is not the definition of a healthy relationship. Love isn't fair, and it definitely isn't measurable. What kills the love isn't that our partner isn't giving us what we want, it is that we have set up conditions of what makes a good relationship.
And the conditions often centre around what we get back in return.
It can be incredibly difficult to have unconditional love for a person whom we think isn't fulfilling his or her role as our partner, but we can ask ourselves if the next relationship we will have will be any different, or the next or the next.
Because if we keep having the same problems in all our relationships, then perhaps it is our own expectations and lack of self-awareness that's letting us down. We can only have a healthy relationship when it’s not about checks and balances, but when we have the mindset that being in the relationship with the person is a benefit in itself.
Love is never linear, our feelings for someone will continue to evolve and be different over time, and it is up to us to decide if we want to work on love, or let resentment take over. To stay or to leave, only we will know what will help us be us happy, always.