Be Empowered To Say “No”

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If you don’t like something or someone’s behaviour, empower yourself to say “no”. Watch this! XO

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To Read:
"No, I think the salary is too low." "No, I'm afraid I can't do that for free." "No, I'm not comfortable giving you my number.”

Being a nice person doesn't mean never saying “no”. When we find it hard to say no, it’s not about being nice or not nice, it's about understanding why we feel so trapped or unable to voice our discontent or dissent.

To stand up for ourselves, we have to first understand our own fears and discomfort of being disliked. Then, we have to understand that drawing the line with someone doesn't mean we should start being not-nice, it means having enough clarity on what our objectives are and deciding on the best action to meet those objectives.
 
Often, we're so consumed by emotion that we cannot think a few steps ahead to see our objectives, so we struggle with feeling frustrated and upset with someone for “putting us in a difficult position” when they’re actually just asking for something.

In deciding when to say "no", it's not about trying to determine who is right or who is wrong. It's about asking ourselves "Do I want to encourage or discourage this person’s behaviour?”

If we don't like how someone is behaving, then our objective is to discourage that behaviour.
If a parent says "no" to their child, the child might not like the parent very much (which, for the parent, can be a very uncomfortable feeling), but the child will learn that this particular behaviour has no reward.

If we just complain and feel frustrated at someone but don't actually say "no", then we're rewarding bad behaviour, and if it’s rewarding, why would they stop doing it?

This is why often in relationships, people can continuously treat us badly, because we enable that behaviour by not taking an action that clearly says “no”.

Discouraging bad behaviour doesn't require to us to be mean. Of course we can say "no" a very dismissive, entitled or angry way, or we can say “no" with empathy, where we understand that when people ask or want things that we find unreasonable or unacceptable, it's not that they are wrong, it's just that we don't subscribe to it.

Saying "no" with empathy is a practice of respect and compassion for ourselves and for the other person, where it empowers us to voice our opinion whilst not taking things personally, so that we can be happy, always.
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