In any communication, especially with loved ones, it affects us when the person can't understand what we're saying. Here's what can help! X
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Why can’t you understand?
I am trying to explain my feelings, why can’t you get it?
When someone is important to us, we always try our best to be patient and to communicate with them. Yet there’s still so much frustration involved because people may still not understand what we’re trying to convey to them.
There are two main difficulties that we have to be aware of when it comes to telling someone what we think, and if we’re aware of them, it can really help our relationships.
The first thing is to be aware that we ourselves may not be accurately describing our emotions and thoughts.
When we try to explain something to someone, we’re putting words to a feeling, feelings that are linked to an imagery of what we want the person to understand.
And it’s actually incredibly hard to verbalise our feelings in the way that accurately expresses what we feel deeply and strongly passionate about.So when people don’t understand, logically we shouldn’t even be surprised, much less frustrated.
Because if we cannot even verbalise our thoughts in a way that describes a 100% of what we’re feeling… how can someone else understand a 100%?
The second thing is we have to be aware of is that when people listen to what we say, they’re not receiving it ‘pure’.
It’s almost like we ALL hear something said through a filter, and that filter is made up of many things - our own pre-conceived notions, the habits we picked up when we were growing up, or even our past history with the person who’s talking to us.
So whenever people listen to us, they might not get our meaning because they are not receiving ‘our message’, they are receiving ‘information which they will interpret themselves’, which may or may not be the actual message we’re trying to convey.
And the same thing happens when we listen to people.
Being aware of these two things helps us understand why our messages may not be getting across, and that will help us feel less frustrated.
When we’re not frustrated, we’re able to think clearer on how to try again. Instead of repeating the same thing over and over again, we’ll try to figure out how to describe our thoughts and emotions in a different way, because the person matters to us, because the relationship matters to us.
Good communication isn’t easy, but with practice, it can definitely get easier, and both parties can be happy, always