Does giving the silent treatment hurt your relationship? Watch this X
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Come on, what’s wrong?
Humans beings are strange creatures, we can say one thing whilst communicating very clearly that we mean another, especially when we’re upset.
This action is widely known as sulking.
Contrary to what people think, sulking isn't just an action undertaken by women - it’s not gender specific, it’s just that the act of sulking manifests differently with men and women.
We all learn how to sulk as a child, in Asia, we call it the black face. As a kid, when you show a black face and refuse to behave, you’ll usually get what you want in the end.
Even if our parents don’t let us get away with sulking, we somehow find a way to fully adopt the skill as an adult. When we get upset with our partner, we give them the silent treatment. We ignore them, we don’t pick up their calls nor speak with them. We sulk.
But as adults, we’re also wise enough to realise that sulking takes us further away from our objective, because even if someone gives us the attention or validation we seek, they might be doing it because they feel that they have no choice.
When we give something to someone we love out of fear, or panic, resentment almost always builds; and communication never gets better, which affects the quality of our relationship.
This is why we can love someone, yet feel so desperate when things aren’t going well; so much so that we can love yet resent our partner at the same time.
When we sulk, we’re essentially seeking some sort of acknowledgement, validation or even a need for love. We want the person to show us and prove to us that we matter to them, because in our mind, we assume that if someone loves us enough, they’ll try their hardest to make things better.
Understanding this helps us develop alternative methods of communicating what we need from our partner, methods that give us better results than the silent treatment or the cold shoulder.
Love is unpredictable, and relationships are one of the hardest things in the world to navigate, but as long as we don’t allow our negative emotions to cloud our reasoning, then we’ll be able talk about the problems that arises, and still be happy, always.