When The Past Is Over... Yet Not - Happiness Vlog

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To Read:
That was so long ago, why are you still talking about the past? 

I can't believe you're bringing that up again! 

It's over already, I thought we settled it!

Arguments are not fun. Especially when one party brings up things from the past. 

To minimise this happening, we have to first acknowledge that it's not talking about the past that is the problem -  because if it is, then why is it that someone talk about good things from the past, nobody says, "Hey, that nice holiday was so long ago, you shouldn't talk about it".

When someone brings up issues from the past, the most logical explanation is that there are unresolved issues. And here's the thing - You may feel like it's resolved, but if the other party brings up the same thing up over and over again, it's clear that they don't feel like it's resolved.

We're all smart enough to understand this, but the frustration we feel when our partner brings up things from the past, stops us from being able to patient and understanding enough to investigate what is unresolved, and why. We keep getting stuck at "I can't believe we're doing this again".

When we bring back our smart, logical self, we will be able to see that nobody likes bringing things up for the 100th time, so if they're doing it, there must be a reason.

The problem is we usually think we already know what the reason is, but perhaps we are missing something about what truly bothers them.

Sometimes, people say they're okay with something when they're not, because they don't want to fight and want to avoid a confrontation. Sometimes people want to be okay and they genuinely want to forget about it and move on, but they haven't been able to let go.

When we bring up the past, it is always a way to illustrate the hurt, insecurity, disappointment or resentment that we feel. And it is that that needs to be addressed.

When our partner brings things up from the past, hoping that it'll stop happening is not a solution, getting upset and frustrated is also not a solution.

If we love this person and if we want a relationship with them, we have to help our partner let go of what bothers them.

Figure it out together. Be patient, be kind, be willing to genuinely want to know why, and it’ll pay off for the relationship, where the both of you can use the past to make the present stronger, and be happy, always.

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Category
Inspiring
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