Why Do I Say Things To Hurt You? - Happiness Vlog

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To Read:
Why is it when we argue with someone we love, it can seem like we really hate the person?

As human beings, it’s almost a knee-jerk reaction to strike back when we feel hurt by someone we love. Sometimes, we purposely say the most awful things because we want the person to suffer.

We end up saying or doing things we don’t mean because we’re so blinded by fury, yet we often don’t realise that our anger isn’t a result of us being right or even making sense, our anger and venom is a result of our vulnerability.

We feel exposed, raw and extremely hurt, so we need to hold on to something that makes us feel strong - and being mean and hurtful puts up this huge wall that gives us the illusion of power, that we’re protecting ourselves and our heart.

If I hurt you first, it means you cannot hurt me.

That’s what we instinctively feel, yet the truth is, no matter how much we hurt someone we love, it doesn’t lessen our hurt. In fact, it often makes us feel even worse later, because of our regret in saying things we cannot take back.

If we can recognise where our anger comes from, then we can stop holding on to it like it’s a shield that can protect us from hurt. Because it cannot.

Instead, we can learn to be okay with being vulnerable, because it is only then that we can communicate what hurts us in a way that can actually help bring us closer to our partner, and closer to the kind of relationship we want.

It is when we learn how to not hurt the people we love that we get the kind of love we want in life, to be happy, always.

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