When something negative or undesirable happens to us, this is why we don't have to tolerate it. X
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When something undesirable or negative happens to us, there are two things we can do to not let it affect us - we can tolerate it, or we can accept it.
Tolerating something is a very natural thing to do - we know we cannot react badly at work or in situations out of our control, so we learn to tolerate it. What happens with toleration is that there’s only so much we can take, before we unleash all our pent up frustration at something, someone, or even ourselves.
This is why it’s a total surprise when someone who has always seems so calm and rational goes berserk at work one day. It’s why, when we argue with our partner over something very small, it can escalate and blow up to one of the most hurtful and damaging arguments ever. It's also why even as we know the logic and reasoning of how precious life is, we would still decide to end our own life one day; because we cannot take it anymore.
Society has taught us many good, useful things, but keeping our emotions on a leash is not one of them. Whilst it is true that it’s not the best to just unleash our anger or frustration, it is also true that we should never learn to tolerate something.
The difference between tolerance and acceptance is a very fine line, and it has everything to do with our mind. It is very important to be able to see that whilst acceptance may seem like we’re admitting defeat, it is tolerance that eventually defeats us. When we tolerate, we are not doing anything except shoving our problems under the carpet, hiding them from people.
When we accept, we have to go through a process of acknowledgement, where we use our mind to look our problem squarely in the face and decide what the next step of action is.
It can be a physical action, like communicating with the people involved, or asking for advice or help, or it can be a mental action, where we can see what situations we cannot change, and therefore accept them as something we can learn and grow from.
A dam can only hold so much before it bursts.
We have to learn not to tolerate, but how to accept the things we cannot change, and to change those that we can. That is the only way to be happy, always.